Conflicts and their constructive solution are the only way of getting to harmony in a relationship. Find out what you can gain if to stop running from quarrels. Here are 7 points from our married writers.
1. You Will Trust Each Other More
Conflicts that can’t be solved instantly make some couples so scared that they prefer denying and running away from them with all possible ways. People think such quarrels are fatal for relationships. They shouldn’t think like that.
If you are able to talk without getting into persons and without suppressing your emotions at the same time, but making them accessible to your partner, such quarrel will only strengthen your relationships. You’ll feel that once the storm passes.
When overcoming one quarrel, you’ll be less afraid of next ones. You’ll trust your partner and yourself more, knowing that you actually can handle possible misunderstandings. As a result, you won’t delay complicated talks with your sweetheart to the very last moment. You’ll understand that it is much better not to gather negative thoughts, but to find out what is wrong as soon as possible.
2. You’ll Feel Much Better After
If you’ll have the opportunity to express your emotions and to let steam off, you’ll get rid of tension, anxiety and fear. This will positively influence both your physical and mental health.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to let off all your toxic thoughts onto your partner. Though, sometimes it is better to say aloud about everything that bothers you rather than to keep everything inside ant to wait till things get okay on their own.
Psychologists say that a careful discussion will not have any result. Sometimes it is better to let all emotions go in order to find out what’s the point.
The only rule which is worth to keep up to during quarrels – don’t beat your partner and don’t throw anything heavy into him or her. The rest is fine: make noise, shut doors loudly, use strong language. Do anything if you think this would help.
3. Partner Will Know About Your Thoughts and Feelings
No matter how close you are to each other, your partner can’t read your thoughts. He or she probably has no idea about how strongly you are bothered with the particular topic.
The question appears: how to let your partner understand your thoughts correctly and not be insulted? Especially if there are any claims towards him or her. How not to make them upset by your dissatisfaction?
Try not to blame, but to speak about your feelings, about how particular behavior influences you personally. Psychologists call this “I phrase”. For instance, you can say: “I’m enough with your job!”. I-phrase, communicating the same thought, would sound like: “I’m upset with your coming home that late. I would like to spend more time together.”
They say, quarrels show all the worse features of a person. But at the same time, they can discover our best qualities if to overcome the most difficult part of them.
4. You Will Become Closer to Each Other
When quarrels happen, you can find out what is important to your partner, what he or she likes, wants, how he/she builds borders, how flexible he/she is, what hurts him/her, what he/she needs to feel better.
If you got quarrel because of your sweetheart throws socks throughout an apartment, the actual reason can be different. Maybe the point is in respect and private space, and not in tidiness.
5. You Will Understand Your Partner to Be a Person
Quarrels quickly destroy illusions about your two becoming one and achieving total understanding of each other. It is even good if that would never happen. You’ll find out new edges of each other’s characters throughout life in that case.
6. You Will Become Better
This is the way to concentrate on what is essential. On the fact that your sweetheart is very important for you, and you want him/her to be happy. This is how you become more patient, understanding and cautious, you really learn how to love.
When you are at the center of the quarrel, you are far from being cheerful. You feel nasty. If to look from this point, quarrels are something like gym sessions. Is getting sweat at the gym that pleasant? No. But this is how you work on your weaknesses.
Quarreling means making a steel sword. The only way to create a work of art is to harden the blade, to dive it into the boiling oil and ice-cold water many times. Such sword can overcome any difficulties just like your alliance.
7. Understand that You Don’t Have to Be Ideal
Quarrels show you are just a human. You can have bad mood, you can be under stress, you can be tired. So, your relationship can’t be perfect as well.
All your internal complexes you know or don’t know about will appear in close relations. This is unavoidable.
While having any blowout, our internal children start interacting with each other. They are vulnerable and irrational. It is like you and your sweetheart become two or three years old again. So, once they hurt you, remember that this is a child who does that. Keep a childhood photo of your loved one for that case.
Use conflicts as possibilities to grow up. They are not an obstacle, but a helpful tip for building healthy and happy relationships.